For those of us who grew up in the West, there are two strains of philosophy that form our consciousness. One is the Platonic philosophy that everything around us is a (lesser) reflection of some kind of external ideal. Second is the Judeo-Christian view of God’s judgment and our own sin nature. Taken together we develop a belief that we are all innately capable of evil. We have to overcome this natural state of badness.

Last time I shared about my battle with shame in my youth. When I entered the workforce, I discovered a whole new realm of shame and perfectionism. In the workplace, my perceived failures were now measured by more tangible things, such as dollars, promotions, and opportunities. No matter how I succeeded, I could always point to a peer or a friend who was doing better or who had succeeded a little bit more. This added a new dimension to my feeling of shame.

I was so young I don’t remember that day or the confident, happy feeling. It is safe to say that even today it is an unfamiliar feeling. The feeling of being an imposter, of not measuring up, of failing, and of self-hatred has occupied the vast majority of my life.

You may have heard about skier Mikaela Shriffin’s blowout in her best events, even if you haven’t been watching the Olympics. Since then, she has been accosted by media, asking her what went wrong and how she feels. The other night she got my attention when she admitted to being a failure in an interview, but then she went on to say something more surprising.

I’m fairly tall and for most of my early years in school, I was the tallest kid in the class. This led to a lifetime of trying to be smaller. I spent years just wishing I didn’t stick out or that no one would notice me. What made it worse was that I diminished my accomplishments and dissed myself publically. 

Once I noticed this behavior and how damaging it was I tried to stop, but it hasn’t been easy. I started slowly just by standing up straight, learning to accept compliments and acknowledging my accomplishments.

Have you wondered why some people have more intimate connections with others? What is their secret?

I’ll tell you a secret about intimacy and connection. A huge ingredient to success in this area of life has to do with the courage to be vulnerable. But easier said than done - right?

A few surprising lessons from the Great British Baking Show

Some of us have dreams that are still unrealized, some of us don’t even know what the dream is. Let’s explore that a little further.