The Itch I Can't Scratch

I can hardly remember a summer when I haven’t spent at least one starry night eating a picnic dinner and listening to live music at the Hollywood Bowl. And yet, the second summer has passed without a trip to the Bowl. I feel this uncomfortable sense that things are not as they should be. And, there’s no sense of when things will change.

This feeling of discomfort, of things being not as they want them is called dukkha in Pali and Sanskrit. It is often translated into English as ‘suffering’ or ‘sorrow.’ In this moment I appreciate its underlying meaning which is an idea that a wheel is out of balance, the cart is in bumping along with one wheel out of sync.

This perfectly describes the last several months. The feeling that things just aren’t right, that it has just been a very bumpy ride. For me this has caused a tremendous amount of anxiety and a desire to eat desserts, smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol (all things I don’t do that much.) It’s like I have a constant itch that can’t be scratched. I recently heard a physician say that the primary cause of anxiety is uncertainty.

Well, that’s a relief to know, I’m anxious because I don’t know what’s going to happen.

In moments like this I try turn to meditation. I try, as much as I can, to allow myself to feel my uncomfortable feelings without judging them or trying to make them go away. The more space I make for them the less anxious I feel. Things are as they are, and, for the moment, I just can’t reach the place that itches.

Note: Stephanie has been doing a facebook live meditation daily throughout the pandemic and it continues on. Jump over here to learn many meditation techniques from her recorded video sessions.