Getting Out of the Way of Love - Part I

By Laura Smith Biswas

I bet there is next to no one in their right mind who would say they don't want more love.  In my mind, love is the essence of our universe, the holy grail behind countless heroic journeys, and the secret underneath a multitude of choices and desires.

But how do we create a life of more love, feel more love or be a conduit for more love in this world?

In the Course in Miracles (one of the most profound metaphysical texts ever written - at least in my head) is the idea that love is always available to us, and it is the removal of the obstacles to the heart’s love that is the work. I heard this idea and felt immediately -- this is a core truth.  

Why?  Because in my experience all these things have gotten in the way of love at one time or another in my life:

  1. Fear, first and foremost
  2. Grief
  3. Judgment
  4. Shame
  5. Guilt

And these characters are not alone, there are more, but they represent a few core gremlins that need a little self-management in our lives.  I'll be writing more about how to get help with all of these, but for now let's just take Grief for example.

When I was 19 my dad died after a long string of illnesses that ended in a brain tumor.  I was truly completely unprepared for facing it and the pain of that loss was at moments unbearable.  Fast forward years later, deep into my marriage around 2003.  I had gone through an awakening where my heart (and mind) had really begun to open.  I was meditating daily and found my most common experience of going into that inner silence was tears.  I had pushed down so many tears, trying to avoid the pain, that they had sat inside me waiting for release for years.  And frankly, somehow I knew that I was not fully open in my heart to my partner - in part because I just couldn't imagine facing more grief were he ever to die.   

A classic move of self-protection.  But it comes at a cost.  We protect, we numb, we block ourselves from pain, but then so do we block the love.  And guess what, there's no damn way to avoid those losses.  They come when they come and we will face them anyway.  It's the worst but it's true.  

Next time I'll share some keys to releasing the grief in the least painful way, but for now consider, how do you close and protect your heart - so that you can choose a path more open to love?